Let me provide a distinction of the two (from my perspective).
Father: A man who contributes sperm.
Dad: The man who, along with your mother, provides you with all the love and necessities you need to grow into a mature and respectable adult.
My God-Father has always been my DAD. He and his family have been there for me since day ONE and they have always taken GREAT care of me. Pretty much, they "adopted" me from birth. For me, they ARE my family.
My Father (Michael) and his mother, on the other hand, didn't acknowledge me until I was two! They have been in and out of my life since then. My father never contributed much in my upbringing, aside from child support. Every time I attempt to have a decent relationship with him, he acts like a complete ass (along with his mother--another story for another time). If he's not trying to raise me (I mean really, I'm 26 now), he is expressing his Mother's continual disappointment in me. Come on now, how can you be disappointed in someone you don't know?
Despite all that, I try to call him from time to time, to see how he's fairing. I mean, he is my father, right? WRONG! For some reason, I'm just coming to the realization that I am not OBLIGATED to do anything for him. I don't have to call him or talk to him at all!
Okay, so today, my father called me to introduce me to one of my other siblings (all together, there are 6 of us... me being the oldest). I met my brother, Deveon, when I was little (like I said they have been in and out of my life) but he and I keep in touch via Facebook. Anyway, I talked to Deveon recently and he'd said that Myiesha wanted to meet me. So my father took it upon himself to introduce us. He called me on three-way (CLASSY) with her. I tried to tell her that I had been planning to call her but I've been busy with work and haven't had the time to get around to it. My father jumps in, "She's so busy...I only talk to her every 5 Christmases," and the both proceeded to laugh. I didn't think it was funny. How can you try to introduce me to someone and then impose your thoughts and opinions on them? Don't try to make me look bad to someone who doesn't even know me.
I mean to be perfectly honest, HE is the reason we have NEVER had a steady relationship. He's the one who kept changing addresses and phone numbers. He's the one with all the inconsistencies. I should never have to be faulted for HIS mistakes (IF they were mistakes). It seems as though he learned from the mistakes he made with me and has built strong relationships with his other children. That is definitely a good thing.
As for me, I don't really have a need for Michael in my life. I have a DAD, who will always be around for me. I, no longer, have to seek Michael's acceptance/approval. I don't know why I ever did in the first place. Funny what you can learn from a 3 minute phone call (I hung up on them, by the way).
Lesson Learned!
Father: A man who contributes sperm.
Dad: The man who, along with your mother, provides you with all the love and necessities you need to grow into a mature and respectable adult.
My God-Father has always been my DAD. He and his family have been there for me since day ONE and they have always taken GREAT care of me. Pretty much, they "adopted" me from birth. For me, they ARE my family.
My Father (Michael) and his mother, on the other hand, didn't acknowledge me until I was two! They have been in and out of my life since then. My father never contributed much in my upbringing, aside from child support. Every time I attempt to have a decent relationship with him, he acts like a complete ass (along with his mother--another story for another time). If he's not trying to raise me (I mean really, I'm 26 now), he is expressing his Mother's continual disappointment in me. Come on now, how can you be disappointed in someone you don't know?
Despite all that, I try to call him from time to time, to see how he's fairing. I mean, he is my father, right? WRONG! For some reason, I'm just coming to the realization that I am not OBLIGATED to do anything for him. I don't have to call him or talk to him at all!
Okay, so today, my father called me to introduce me to one of my other siblings (all together, there are 6 of us... me being the oldest). I met my brother, Deveon, when I was little (like I said they have been in and out of my life) but he and I keep in touch via Facebook. Anyway, I talked to Deveon recently and he'd said that Myiesha wanted to meet me. So my father took it upon himself to introduce us. He called me on three-way (CLASSY) with her. I tried to tell her that I had been planning to call her but I've been busy with work and haven't had the time to get around to it. My father jumps in, "She's so busy...I only talk to her every 5 Christmases," and the both proceeded to laugh. I didn't think it was funny. How can you try to introduce me to someone and then impose your thoughts and opinions on them? Don't try to make me look bad to someone who doesn't even know me.
I mean to be perfectly honest, HE is the reason we have NEVER had a steady relationship. He's the one who kept changing addresses and phone numbers. He's the one with all the inconsistencies. I should never have to be faulted for HIS mistakes (IF they were mistakes). It seems as though he learned from the mistakes he made with me and has built strong relationships with his other children. That is definitely a good thing.
As for me, I don't really have a need for Michael in my life. I have a DAD, who will always be around for me. I, no longer, have to seek Michael's acceptance/approval. I don't know why I ever did in the first place. Funny what you can learn from a 3 minute phone call (I hung up on them, by the way).
Lesson Learned!
1 comments:
Ah, how this post has taken me to a place that I haven't been personally, in a long time, as you know how my relationship is with my own father. Heck, there is no relationship! Beyond maybe the age of 5 or 6, he has never been the father that I have wanted, nor needed him to be. That being said, by the time my sisters were born, I had pretty much given up on us ever having an ideal father/daughter relationship and I prayed with all sincerity that he would be the father to them that he never was for my brother and I. While, I do have (albeit minimal) communication with my sisters [They were even sweet enough to call & wish me a Happy Birthday last week] I really don't know what kind of father he has been to them because I never ask them. And I'm unsure as to whether it is my place to do so. Sometimes I get so disappointed in myself because I have unfortunately chosen the same type of man to father my own 2 children. And I regret this deeply, with every tear that each of my children has cried over this man- and his mother. There is nothing worse than a momma's boy, I tell you. Surely they wouldn't call themselves that though. I have come to loose respect for such men, AND women alike. But, you know, as bad as it is that in some ways they are no more than meager 'sperm donors', it's even worse to even think about the fact that they think so darned highly of themselves as a 'Dad' and don't see much of a fault in their actions, or rather lack of actions. It'd be even greater if these men could relinquish some of their pride and give thanks to the mothers- or rather Mommy's- that held it down and actually raised their children without a bunch of negativity and finger pointing. I don't know about your father and his mother, but once my parents split, it was as if neither my father or his mother had much of anything positive to say about my mom. While a simple "Thank you for raising my children, being there when I couldn't be, and making sure they had everything they needed." would have sufficied, most of what they did was picked apart and criticized every decision that she made for us.
I'm so sorry that your first 'meeting' with your sister went awry. It's sad that she may never get to know the wonder 'big sister' that surely you could be, but given your father's comments, I do not fault you for hanging up.
All in all, you should be very greatful- as I know you are- because you have had the opportunity to have a 'Dad'. And in that respect, I think even more highly of Steve, and any other man or woman, who can love and raise a child that is not biologically his, as his own. That there is unconditional love. It feels good knowing that, while in the minority, there are also plenty of other men and women like this. And not only has your dad continued to love you as his own, but so has his family.
Truly, you are blessed.
Uh oh, looks like I've blogged inside of your blog. Ooooh baby. rofl You understand that this is as touchy a subject for me as it is for you.
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