Cleanin' House...

Sunday was a very important day for me. God really spoke to me, about myself. Throughout the day, He spoke through various things/ways/actions in me, that need to change. Now, I always knew that there were things I needed to change about myself; there is always room for improvement, right? Well, God let me know that in order for my outside circumstances to change (i.e. the things I want to happen), a change has to take place inside of me, first. This list is simply confirmation of what I already believe to be true, God is ready to “pour out a blessing, that I won’t have room enough to receive,” (Malachi 3:10) and I’m SUPER excited about it! So, here’s my list…

1. I’ve not been allowing myself to be led by the Spirit. Instead, I’ve been leaning on fear and living in my own will. God wants to get me to a place, where He leads and I follow; to a place, where I trust him FULLY, no withholdings. I know there’s no reward in living for myself, because I’ve done that already. My life was so screwed up, when I was living in my own will. For the most part, I do good letting Him lead, but I can always tell when I take over, because everything goes haywire!!

2. I have a need for urgency. Everything must be **snapping fingers**… RIGHT NOW! For some reason, I always feel the need to rush everything. I don’t want to be that way. I want to be able to relax and let things move at their own pace, without feeling anxious and trying to PUSH them to where I THINK they should be.

3. After last week, with all the major changes that went on at work, I realized I have a SERIOUS problem with change! Apparently, I am ANTI-change. God is trying to prepare me for the changes that are to come. In order for me to be ready, I have to stop resisting change. I have to let go of what used to be, and embrace what IS!

4. I want to be a good witness. I want to be a LIGHT to the world! I want everyone to know that I live for God. Of course I‘m human and sometimes I might stumble, but I don’t want to leave room for doubt. I want people to see God in me and want to change because of Him! I want to be a light so bright, that people will have to wear sunglasses!!

5. I also have a "strange" hankering being in CONTROL... I live for everything to be the way I want it, when I want it. I've gotten a lot better than what I used to be, but I still struggle with it and I want to be okay with letting things be controlled by others and being done the way others prefer.

6. Let me give you the disclaimer before I say this... I'm not a DISHONEST person. I am, usually, truthful to a fault, but lately, I've been "leaving out" parts of the story--last week, namely. God reminded me that I need to be MORE honest. If I can't tell the truth, then I don't want to say anything at all. As we were talking about this today, a friend of mine told me: "...and if you can't tell the truth, then you need to change what you're doing, too."

7. Lastly, I have to work on saying what I mean by not acting/speaking in anger. I'm rather temperamental at times and when I'm angry, I don't think things through. I try my hardest not to say things that I will have to take back or regret later, but sometimes I do (especially lately). So, I have to be more cautious with my words, especially in the heat of it all.

Okay, so there it is. My faults, laid bare, for the world to see.

I hope this will encourage you to seek God and find out what He wants to change within you.